FILM: 3 great flops, 3 terrible hits

Regardless of critical merit, there are some films I feel the critics simply got wrong. Equally, there are plenty of terrible films that enjoyed critical success. In my humble opinion here is a good representation of each. First, 3 flops I think are superb...

Cable Guy (1996) - It got dreadful reviews yet I think it's perhaps Jim Carrey's greatest performance to date. Even if it weren't a great film throughout, it's worth watching for two classic scenes alone (the basketball scene and Medieval Knights fight sequence). One of the most underrated dark comedies of recent times. It even has a terrific cameo from Owen Wilson...


Wyatt Earp (1994) - Beautiful cinematography, exquisite attention to detail and a thorough portrait of a man. With this film, Lawrence Kasdan, writer of two of my favourite childhood films (Raiders of the Lost Ark and Empire Strikes Back) has written and directed a film of individual vision. A rare thing in modern studio film making. Costner turns in a nicely downplayed performance, Gene Hackman is in there too plus the always underrated Dennis Quaid is utterly compelling as Doc Holliday too...






Midnight Run - (1988) - Comic genius. Screenplay by George Gallo that simply crackles with quips and one liners. Ultimately, I just don't get how people don't get this film. Every character in it is spot on and the exchanges between Charles Groddin and Robert DeNiro are simply impeccable. It's the sort of film, like 'Groundhog Day', that just never gets tired.





And now for some absolute stinkers everyone got worked up about...

King Kong (2005) - Peter Jackson's skills as a film maker are irrefutable. However, despite critics bumming the pants off it ("the kind of romantic action spectacle that makes the big screen silver and provides box-office gold. Puts the prime in primate." Empire) this is absolute turgid pap. Even the best set piece between the Trex and Kong feels a little 'been there, done that' thanks to Mr Spielberg's earlier dinosaur based efforts (more on him shortly). And as for shooting giant bugs off people's backs with a Tommy gun - I just give up... This is slow, indulgent and I'm quite certain will be reappraised as the woeful film it is in years to come.



Moulin Rouge (2001) - This film is 'camper' than a row of pink tents... Nauseatingly irritating - I confess I didn't make it past the first 40 mins and I rarely switch films off, regardless of how bad they are (if proof were needed I even endured 'Snakes On A Plane'). Seriously, what does anyone see in this film? Yet, here's what Empire had to say, "A breathtaking baroque film that marries the best of theatre, opera and cinematic technique." Garbage I tell you...




Munich - Oscar nomination? Are they smoking crystals? This film is a farce. If Spielberg doesn't have the cajhones to fall on either side of the fence he shouldn't try and climb it in the first place. It's so transparent in its 'right-on' message it's repulsive. Awful scenes that attempt to show both sides of the conflict are criminally shoe-horned in (such as the dreadful 'crux of the matter' scene on the stair well). If that isn't enough to convince you this film is horribly overrated what about the laugh out loud stupidity of the 'Police Squad' style shoot out either end of the same car? Or the risible sniper sequence when they are about three foot from the target? Completely overrated.

TV: Best. Advert. Ever...

The Cadbury's Gorilla drummer advert. It's simply superb. I'd have loved to see the faces of the execs at Cadbury when the marketing team ran that one by them. However, to their credit, they obviously ok'd it.
No matter how many times I watch it I'm still not quite sure what to make of it, a bit like the last 10 minutes of 2001: a space odyssey. If you haven't seen it yet, you can click the link to watch it here on youtube

VIDEO: POV.1 Action Camera

I've spent the last few days testing out the POV.1 Action camera from Vio. It's a bullet camera and recording device that records to SD cards (as opposed to conventional tape). The full report will be in isue 23/23 of MacUser magazine but if anyone is considering the camera they might want to take a look at the test footage I got with the device. It was recorded in October 2007 in the Hope Valley, Peak District.

Gallery Clicky linky to POV1 test footage

GPS: Why no digital mapping for OSX?

After one too many bike rides where the party ended up lost, we have invested in a nice shiny Garmin Etrex HC. The plan is simple: download existing mountain bike routes to Etrex, clip Etrex to handlebars, party follows direction arrow on Etrex and a good day (that doesn't involve stopping to check a map non of us can read every 10ft) is had by all.

One fly in the ointment is that there are no OSX based digital mapping solutions that accept ordnance survey maps. There are a few for the PC: Memory Map and Tracklogs to name two - but non that will run under OSX. So until such a program is released I'll be forced to get something to run on my Windows machine...

I am, to say the least, rather baffled by the lack of OSX support, especially during the current Apple renaissance. However, anyone who has tried to make sense of the Garmin manuals or website is probably keeping their fingers crossed they don't make any software for the Mac!

TV: ITV back to making quality drama

Going back a few years I used to enjoy ITV dramas like Band Of Gold, Cracker and Reckless. Then for what seemed like years we had the fly-on-the-wall 'revolution' and ITV expected us to sit through shovel loads of turgid crap.
Thankfully, ITV seemed to have turned a corner (perhaps the fruits of Michael Grade's appointment) and we now have dramas like 'Torn', which for the most part was thoroughly entertaining stuff. Cast, crew, director (Sarah Harding) and writer (Chris Lang) did a great job. Performance wise Bradley Walsh (as Stephen Taylor) was man of the match for me. However, one thing that was pointed out to me that was never fully explained...

**Spoiler Alert!**

In episode 2, Bradley Walsh's character returns back from the pub and there is a crowd around his flat where he learns his other half has fallen from the building.

However, in the final episode (3), we learn he has thrown her from the building. So... How did he get from the flat (where he threw her from) and back to the pub and then back to the scene without anyone seeing him?

WEB: Stupid sodding pop-up windows!

I'm sure there must be plenty of other people who find these things INCREDIBLY annoying? I'm talking about the sort of pop-up that whenever there is a relevant word on a web page it appears double underlined. Then, if you are 'lucky' enough to move your mouse over said word a stupid sodding Java box opens on screen with some irritating, tenuously linked information or advert to do with the word.
The worrying trend is that I see more and more sites using these and it's driving me to distraction.
NO! NO! NO! - Stop doing it right now!

RANT: Nike/Adidas - make some indoor football shoes for the 30+ players!

I love to play the beautiful game. Even at my own humble level (very humble according to some). As I entered my early thirties I noticed my recovery time after each game getting longer. Now, after a 60 minute 5-a-side game I have to steady myself down the stairs next morning. The knees are telling me to stop.
Now, most people in their twenties and older that I know play their football primarily at indoor sports halls, especially through the winter months. There just isn't time to play on grass in the week and many opt out of Sunday league football (a.k.a. Sunday League Punch-up) as they need to walk the following week. So, a nice cosy sports halls it is. Permanent light. No need to fetch the ball (never goes out of play). For all intents and purposes this is non-stop football nirvana. Well, yes, except for the rock hard floor that is...
Now, one thing that helps prevent CKS (Crap Knees Syndrome), besides better genetics, is a good pair of cushioned football trainers. Yet, for reasons I can't understand, the big sports companies just don't seem to understand this...
The best ones I have used so far are the Nike Air Nine Zero Max (pictured). These sport a nice cushion of air underneath the sole that really takes the shock out of all the impact, making the knees feel noticeably better post match. However, just like when you find a top ready meal, Nike have stopped making them and rivals Adidas don't make anything that even approaches a comfort cushioning football trainer.
Surely, the market, in Great Britain at least, for high end indoor football trainers perhaps outweighs traditional boots? I'd venture that more football is played in sports halls than on grass these days? Then again, one can only presume that Nike, Adidas et al have done the market research...
So, here, in essence is the problem; as you get older, you can actually afford some of the high end kit that sporting companies produce. The irony is that by the time you can afford it, the kit they make isn't suitable for you! It's geared to people in their prime (read, late teens, early twenties) and it makes no provision for those despertely getting in as many games as they possibly can before their knees give up completely. How long do you think we'll have to wait until bionic knees are available?